Let's Be Kind To One Another

The confessional and personal nature of my last post meant that the comments were more important than usual to me. Each and every word of encouragement, prayer, song snippet or kindness held great meaning for me. I thank you for your comments.

But it is those words that you have not seen that are hitting my heart with power. And conviction. And pain. Look, here; read a sampling of what has come to me via private messages or emails:

"Mental illness is a subject I'm very sensitive to, and I have spent a lot of time cringing and biting my tongue...You come to expect that your position isn't going to be understood or welcomed, so you keep your mouth shut."

"...I know all too well the devastating effects that mental illness forces upon families...I grew up ashamed of my mother and did whatever I could, at any cost, to keep people outside the confines of our four walls from discovering what really went on behind closed doors...I continue to wrestle with the demon of guilt...because I was a terrible daughter to her. I was hateful, impatient, and angry with her most of the time. I mourn now over a lost relationship...If only I had the support as a child that walked me through the mood swings, the paranoia, the mania followed by the can't-get-out-of-bed-for-days depression...if only."

"I just want to say that it did my heart good to read your words...I wish my mother had reacted that way years ago. The fact that she didn't and to this day still says "it's in my head" is irreversible damage that she'll never be able to undo." 


"My youngest daughter is also suffering with a mental illness...She is filled with anger and hatred and much of it is directed towards me."


"...our son also is bipolar. I have told almost no one...I understand the pain, the fear, the heartache, the confusion, even the shame and the guilt...And I understand the feelings of helplessness. Utter, gut wrenching helplessness."

"I read your blog on mental illness with great pain.  My eldest daughter...The disease has affected her marriage, her relationship with her daughters, her friendships and our relationship...I worry.  I feel bad.  I feel responsible."

And here is my further confession: most of these folks are known to me in real life. I have touched their hands, had face-to-face conversations with them. They are my friends.

And in most cases, I didn't know. 

Before we moved into this new place, I never thought much about bipolar disease. I was ignorant. It didn't factor into my assessment of others, my relationships, my expectations, my empathy.

But now I know.

And it makes a difference.

There's a lot of pain out there. Let's be kind to one another.

Thank you for all of your responses. Your encouragement means the world to me.

Parenting Tips

When it comes to blogging pastors, Mark Beeson is one of the best.

I read him daily. You should, too.

This latest post on parenting really hit a chord with me. Want to have great kids? Want to do the very best you can as a mom or dad? Want to fill in the blank spaces if you're a single parent?

Read this. Then look around and figure out where "your" people are....

So Long Self Day One

If you'll indulge me...I'm going to do a little experiment for the next week.

I'll be making a daily post that's about me. Of course, blogging is pretty much about the blogger, but, you know. This series of posts will be to the extreme of self-indulgence.

I tend to wear one of two hats when I blog here; either Church Leader Worship Person or Mom Of Awesome Kids.

But for the next seven days, I need to do an exercise of sorts, one that will require some navel gazing.

The good part is if you don't like it, you can simply click on by.

Easy, right?

For the next seven days, I'm going to take a photo of myself with my Mac and post it here on this blog. I have my reasons, which will be revealed in a few days.

I'm also going to think through a few questions.

You can watch if you want to.

Things I don’t know yet
Where we're going to live

When Tony will finish school
Things I’m learning

How to trust my friends

How to be a pastor
Things I’m praying for
Clarity on what to do about our housing situation

Healing for my friend Bob
Things that are getting on my nerves
The bad news that seems to come every single day

The BP oil spill
Things that scare me
Cancer

The impact of all that oil in the ocean
Things that are making me happy
Sleeping beside an amazing man every night

Watching my 18-year-old daughter enjoy the last few days before her high school graduation

By the way, this little exercise was inspired by a blog post found here.

Lindsay Cookies

I met this girl a year or so ago.

She's turned into one of those people that I can't imagine not working with every week.

And I haven't even scratched the surface of getting to know her.

I just know the joy of working alongside her, whether we're making music, planning services, working out schedules or eating hummus.

I can't imagine a better gift to me as I do the work God's set before me at PCC. Lindsay Harris is a gift, a gem, an inspiration and an accountability partner. A good writer. An incredibly intelligent woman. A brilliant musician.

And now, she's a blogger! Go visit - she'll make you smile. Good things will come of this newest venture, I am sure.

Leave her some comment love, and bookmark the site. You'll want to go back.

(Hoping for some cookies, myself...)

I'm Not Sure What Comes Next

Our friend Tony, who is part of the core group of folks who are invested in the Westchester campus of PCC, is out of town.

It's not a business trip per se; it's about something that has captured his heart. He goes to Moldova several times a year to try to help children who have grown up in orphanages. You can read more about Tony's work in Moldova here.

Interestingly enough, Moldova is making headlines in other areas, for other reasons. Anne Jackson is an insightful author (Mad Church Disease, which I highly recommend) and blogger who recently returned from a trip to Russia and Moldova.

She is deftly sharing what she learned on this trip. I read her words, and look at Tony's pictures and prayer requests, and I cannot help but think that God wants us - well, let me speak for myself. God wants me to know and really see that the world is very large, indeed; that the needs are very large, indeed; and that to continue to sit back and do nothing is no longer an option.

Read Anne's post about witnessing the trafficking of girls in the equivalent of a local Panera.

I don't even know what to say, except that the privilege of living a life of safety and security, numbed by American culture, seems to be somehow tainted. God wants me to see this. He's dovetailing information about a foreign country in a way that I can't ignore. He's all up in my face.

I'm not sure what comes next.

A Freaking Radical

Sitting in Barnes & Noble with my daughter, in something of a holding pattern.

I read this post, and sorrow or something like it enveloped my chest, crawled up through my throat and leaked out of my eyes.

I don't know why it struck me so powerfully. Perhaps because I am in a season of walking through a land that is littered with dry bones and carcasses. Maybe because I have a deeper sense of the fragile hold we have on the simplest of things, like just making sense of life. Maybe because I've had the painful privilege of holding hands with some friends and family members through a broken, desperate time.

Maybe because walking through my current book study on the crazy, relentless, all-powerful love of God, my eyes are being opened to glory of a magnitude that I have never considered.

Whatever the factors, I know this: the faith I have in God continues to deepen. I do not have to imagine or invent it. Something literally has taken hold in the deepest part of me and is rooted, immovable. It is intrinsic to my life.

It is a mystery to me.

I speak occasionally of the fact that the God we celebrate on Sundays is mysterious and supernatural. There is some definitive power in Jesus that is beyond our understanding and, to some degree, beyond rational thought or reason.

Milton Brasher-Cunningham wrote about the transition from Epiphany to Lent, about "our picture of Jesus moving from the One Who Came to the One Who is Going to the Cross." And it just shredded me.

Not long ago we celebrated the birth of the baby, the iconic, helpless infant who was somehow part of Creation and key to Redemption. And in the liturgy of the structure of Christian faith, we are quickly swept along through the season, from Christmas to Easter, to the horrific, tortured death of that same baby.

Brasher-Cunningham writes:

"...moving into Lent moves us from rejoicing in the compassion of God in human form to the somber reality of Jesus’ example of what it means to be human calling us to our own more authentic and dangerous existence. Long after Magi and mangers, we are left with a Messiah who is a freaking radical."

I think this resonates with me today at the core of my maternal heart, which - after five kids and a lifetime impacted by my role as a parent, is the deepest, most definable part of me.

The concept of a baby growing through childhood into her "more authentic and dangerous existence" hits my tender spot today.

Brasher-Cunningham ends his post with welcome anticipation of what kind of "glorious damage an untamed God can do." It is not without pain, tears, and gut-wrenching sobs. But, in God's hands, it is glorious indeed, and the violence to our bodies done by the wild mercy of a freaking radical is bearable.

Because in the end, love wins.

By the way, Milton blogs at Don't Eat Alone. Every year, he writes a disciplined series of posts through Lent. It has been a consistent part of my faith journey for a few years now. I encourage you to read him, daily, from today through Easter. Find him at donteatalone.blogspot.com. You can start today.

Ever Think About Organ Donation?

I read this post with my coffee today and was dumbstruck.

Danielle is an amazing young writer who is also a doctor. Her journey has been fascinating.

Take three minutes. Read this.

Grab a Kleenex.

As Sweet As Honey?

One of the most fascinating components of communication via the internet is the ability for a conversation to continue after an event. I've seen it - and participated - in real-time commenting on awards shows, the concert for Haiti, the inauguration and other occasions.

I love how it happens on Sundays, as well, after church. It's intriguing to see people post their thoughts and reactions on Facebook, Twitter and blogs. I'm especially interested because it offers me a bit of feedback on the service.

Often, someone will connect the dots in a way that reveals something new to me.

Yesterday, my friend Connie did just that. She and I were both present at two events yesterday where we heard excellent communicators unpack different Biblical texts. Connie drew a few lines and put together a good blog post that made me think.

Check it out here. You'll like it.

My friend Connie and her husband, Tom.

Wine Or Grape Juice?

Michael Hyatt tweeted this quote this morning. I found it thought-provoking, and for some wild reason, it brought a huge smile to my face.

Why Jesus Used Wine Instead of Grape Juice
"Unfermented grape juice is a bland and pleasant drink, especially on a warm afternoon mixed half-and-half with ginger ale. It is a ghastly symbol of the life blood of Jesus Christ, especially when served in individual antiseptic, thimble-sized glasses.

“Wine is booze, which means it is dangerous and drunk-making. It makes the timid brave and the reserved amorous. It loosens the tongue and breaks the ice, especially when served in a loving cup. It kills germs. As symbols go, it is a rather splendid one.”— Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC

Loves Like A Hurricane, I Am A Tree

A few Sundays ago, we finally used Jon Mark McMillan's How He Loves in a service.

The song is powerful, loaded with a unique opportunity for awe-struck expression. The lyrical images differ from the usual worship song fare these days.

I got to sing it. It was an honor. There is no possible way the melody and the harmonies can convey the gut-wrenching glory of four simple words, launched in repetitive declaration:

"He love us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves..."

As the band played and sang, the painters painted. Two of our artists were incredibly moved by the song, as we were, and they expressed their declaration with paints and brushes.

Read about their experience here, where my friend Angie blogs.

And don't forget: He loves us. Oh, how he loves us.

Beautiful Things

Shannon, by Sarah.

My daughter Sarah is gifted.

Passionate about beauty.

An experienced photographer who does exceptionally good work.

Please visit her new photo blog here.

And if you're in need of a photographer - senior pictures, Christmas photos, family portraits - she's looking for a job. Or two.

Check it out.

On Being Human

Lord, what a week.

I feel stretched in a million different directions. I feel lost. I feel broken. I feel exhausted.

I am in a season of finding out some truths about myself. It requires that I stop, look and listen.

None of those things are particuarly appealing right now.

I read a sentence today that literally took my breath away. I post tonight only to share it with you. From the blog of someone I admire greatly, both for his perspective on life and his talent with words - you can read more from Milton here. In the meantime, chew on this:

Redemption rides on small gestures and simple acts; forgiveness has fingerprints.

Best Thing I've Read This Week

Need something to provoke you this weekend?

Looking for something besides "Dateline: NBC" and a rerun of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" tonight?

Read this blog post by Donald Miller.

What story do you believe?

Making Things Matter

Love this woman.

She blogs here, about life and loss and faith and kids and anything else that crosses her mind.

She's one of the most honest people I know.

She hearts music.

I love the words that she writes, because she writes with the power of conviction that makes things matter.

You can get to know her by clicking here, or by checking out The Green Room, or just asking around at PCC. She's worth getting to know.

Blog Stat Surprise

Looking at blog stats tonight, just out of curiosity...

And taking a look at the number one search term that lands folks on my blog.

Guess what it is?  Something churchy?  My name?  Something musical?

Nope.

The google image search for "dirty boys feet", because of this post right here.

Which really makes me sick.

I'm just saying.  It's a crazy, mixed-up world we live in.

Some Things I Just Can't Stop Thinking About

Maybe it's because 'Slumdog Millionaire' is playing in the background, even as I type.

Maybe because since seeing the movie, I've been addicted to the soundtrack.

Maybe because of the letter we received this week from Arpita Nayak, the little girl from India we sponsor through Compassion International.  The letter in which she details the story of the Hindu extremists chasing her and her Christian family out of their home, into the forest.  And how she spent the next few months in a refugee camp.  And how glad she is to be back in school, finally.

Maybe because I've been following this blog.  And this one.  And this one.  Anne, Pete and Angie are all in India right now, on a Compassion bloggers trip, seeing first-hand the impact of $32 a month on the lives of kids and their families.

I just can't shake this country.

The World Today

“We’re taking our eyes off of Jesus and putting them on the economy.” - Perry Noble

I read this tonight on Tony Morgan's blog.  Tony is one of the leaders at Newspring Church, where we're headed for a one-day conference later this week (thanks to a generous sponsor!)

Newspring is known for a no-holds-barred attitude when it comes to spreading the gospel and preaching the truth.  They love Jesus.  They love people.  

I'm looking forward to what we'll encounter....

"The two biggest problems in this country are consumer debt and obesity. It’s not because we don’t have enough. It’s because we don’t manage what we have well.” - Perry Noble

Care

This made me cry today.

I'm floored when God reveals some part of life to me, when I - in my utter self-absorption - am running around caught up in all the minute details of my life, and things like this are happening right around the corner.

God of mercy, grace and compassion - give us your eyes to see, and hearts to understand the painful challenges facing the people around us.  

The ones who give care.

The ones who receive care.

The ones who don't care.

http://6yearmed.blogspot.com/2009/01/boulder.html

God, Let Me Fear Only You

Doing a bit of blog surfing; I keep up with a few folks that are friends, some others who do church work, some bird people, some family members.  I usually find a nugget or two of truth and inspiration every day.

I read one called History in the Making; it's a churchy/leadership/young dad sort of place.  I like it.

I read this today and had to stop and think for a while.

You?

Every morning, I pray the same prayer: "God, let me fear only you today." It's not that I actually fear other people. It's that I wage secret campaigns against them, rather than speak openly and honestly.

What are the signs of fearing man?

*The fake laugh
*Being a "yes man"
*Blending in with the crowd
*Not being true to my passions
*Not speaking truth at my own risk
*Putting on a fake persona

From Ben Arment's blog; check it out.

The Other Bald Guy

My friend/coworker/fellow musician has created a cool new web site.

He's bald, see.  And two other guys on our staff are also pretty much bald.  But since my friend/coworker/fellow musician buddy lives in the background most of the time, he's known as "the other bald guy".

You gotta work with what you've got.  Go check it out.

www.theotherbaldguy.com