All Of My Life, In Every Season

What a weekend.

I'm sitting in an unusual pile of repressed emotions.  So much going on, so many life events and circumstances triggering varying emotional responses...I need a good cry, but I despair of having the time for that luxury.

My eldest child graduates.

My mom hosts the entire family - ex's included - for a lunch, gracefully offering hospitality and a huge dollop of forgiveness.

One of my dearest friends and favorite musical partner ever moves out of our arena and into his own; we sang together today for what might be the last time this side of heaven.

My emotional reserves are spent, with lots of social activities and interactions.  The introvert in me is huddled in a corner of my soul, hands over her head, shaking and pleading, "No more....please, no more..."

My hormones are raging in unfamiliar ways.  Something uncontrollable seems to be happening to my body.  All the internal, physical and emotional issues aside, the primary problem is that my clothes don't fit.  I hate it.

My life feels very cluttered and out of control right now.  I am longing for some quiet organization, some calm.

And yet - I could not ask for better circumstances.  

Isn't it interesting how we humans can become so absorbed in the little glitches of life, missing all the level-headed joy springing up all around us? John Ortberg once said, "Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is to take a nap." I'm hoping that might clear out the clutter in my soul.  And I'm hoping that a little perspective will do the same.  The greatest truth I can find is in the undeniable existence of God.  Firm on His promise, I'll stand.

This is my prayer in the desert when all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger and need
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flames

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life, in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've received I will sow

Don't Be A Slacker

I'm working out at a new place now.  Actually, I need to reframe that sentence.  

It should say, "I'm working out now.  At a new place."

I haven't been consistently working out in over a year.

So, the key point is this:  I'm working out.

And part of the new place deal is a session or two with a "personal trainer".  Of course, I'm hoping and praying for Jillian from The Biggest Loser.  

But I got Kim.  And that's a good thing.

Kim was awesome.  She kicked my butt in conversation, which is really all we did yesterday.  She said, "You're basically fit.  You're just not working hard enough.  Quit running; your body knows how to run.  Get on the elliptical.  And sweat.  If I walk by, I don't want you smiling and saying, "Hi, Kim!  How ya doin.?  You need to be gasping for breath." 

Basically, she told me I was a slacker.  

So I worked hard yesterday.  

And last night, I slept better than I have in weeks.  I think I'm getting into that hot-flash stage of life.  Waking up at least four times every night, just sweating and kicking the covers off....I think that qualifies.  But last night?  A full night's sleep, uninterrupted.

Which means that today, when the alarm went off, I happily got out of bed.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you're doing with a little bit more effort to get better results.  I think I can apply that to most of my life.

It's going to be a good day.

"All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself."  1 Corinthians 9.25-27, The Message

Snow Day!

We got snow last night - a big load!  It's the biggest and best snowfall we've seen in Virigina since we arrived five years ago!  

We tried to dig up snow pants and coats - unfortunately, most of what we have has been outgrown.  Gloves and mittens were hard to find as well.

But we made the best of it and the kids have had a great time playing outside.

No power at our house, so we've relocated to my parents' place for a day.  Or two.  Rumor has it that today's Snow Vacation will be extended to a two-day break.  It might be tough, being gone for two days from home with nothing to do.

Except Mom and Dad have cable.

After the thawing of the frozen water pipes today (what a GREAT way to start a Saturday...) I did what I'd been hoping to do for a while now:  made an IKEA run.

My first visit to IKEA was on a trip to Chicago to see my brother and his family.  I was stunned.  And happy.  And greedy.  I'll never forget lugging oversized IKEA bags on the plane back to Cleveland, stuffing cd racks and cups and lights and picture frames and all sorts of incredible, awesome, gotta-have-it-now stuff.  We tried to stuff everything in the overhead bins and earned ourselves several glares and outright disapproval from fellow passengers.  

I was hooked.  Willing to be embarrassed, I didn't care.  Absolutely loved the place.

Realizing later that we could get to the Pittsburgh IKEA in a few short hours, I made that trip more than once.  The most memorable was a venture with several friends, culminating with a picture frame that was broken before we arrived home and my (then) husband waiting at home, already aware of how much I'd spent (thank you, online banking and debit cards). 

After relocating to Richmond, the store in Northern Virginia became a great way-station for me.  Often, after taking the kids to spend time with their dad, I'd stop at IKEA on the way home for some retail therapy.  Sometimes I'd spend little more than $20 on a few frames and lunch for myself - and several hours wandering the aisles, working through some sort of subconscious loss and longing for home.  It's a great place to imagine starting over again, with all sorts of fresh visions and positive expectations.  I have good memories.

Today's trip was fun - I went primarily in search of curtain rods and curtains and the chair.  I bought a few of those chairs when I moved into this house - put them together myself - and they remain the most durable chairs in the house.  Every other stinkin' chair we own is either broken completely, reduced to one of two arms, cracking or creaking.  But those simple wood chairs?  Indestructable!

Armed with a generous gift card I received at Christmas time, we headed north.

I spent my gift card.

And more.

But I got two chairs.  And curtain rods (for ONE DOLLAR AND FORTY-NINE CENTS, PEOPLE!!!!) And three plants.  And a little table.  And a bookshelf for the girls.  And a cool light.

And little teeny tiny things that you buy at IKEA because, gosh darn it, they're just such GOOD DEALS!  Meaning they cost a dollar or something.

It was a good day - a restful day.  And the water's still running.  And tomorrow's church.

Yes.

Random Saturday Thoughts

A couple things I have discovered this morning:

• Pizza Hut Supreme Pizza looks great, smells great, tastes great.  But it's an internal nightmare.
• A nap at 5:30 PM doesn't indicate a normal bedtime later that evening.
• If I don't have to get up (like to get the kids on the bus, be somewhere, do something), then, frankly, I'd rather not.
• I have much to do.  The thought of structuring my Saturday around what I need to do, rather than the kids' obligations, is somewhat pleasing to me.
• If I don't clean my bathroom soon, I might have to report myself to the Health Department.
• Candy Salyer would be so disappointed in me if she was in my bathroom.  (Seriously, that's who I thought of this morning when I looked around and realized that I could not let this slide one more day.  It's not my mom I worry about anymore; it's Candy Salyer.  Go figure.)
• Regardless of what time you atually get out of bed, coffee is a necessity.
• The thought of singing a Jimmy Webb tune to close the church service tomorrow is EXTREMELY pleasing to me.  I need to practice.

*Candy Salyer is the wife of my good friend and co-worker Kevin; Candy is a kind and gentle woman who does a great job of keeping her family organized and CLEAN.  Mostly with a beautiful smile on her face.  I wonder if she ever reads my blog?  'Cause now she's like, famous and all....

Pony Pasture

My friend Kelley inspires me to do more with my kids than collapse in exhaustion after running them around.  So today I took them to Richmond to check out Pony Pasture, part of the park system on the James River.  It was a blast.  Having an extra hour of sleep made it possible to do without the standing appointment with the couch for my Sunday afternoon nap.

Fun times.  We took along our buddy Joshua.  Upon hearing our initial plans to go see "nature", he said - with all the politeness he could muster - "Uh, that sounds boring."

But when I told him it was Pony Pasture, he was intrigued.  At one point they were all convinced that we would see ponies there - and if you caught one, you could ride it.  When I began to elaborate on a story of man-eating ponies, I think they stopped believing me.

Regardless, it was a beautiful fall day.  The colors were gorgeous.  Sarah took her camera and captured much of the fun.

Yes, that's a shot of me - your friendly blogger.

I love this girl, and I love how this shot captures her attitude of confidence and self-posession.  She is an amazing, intelligent, creative and beautiful young woman.

And she's still got a lot of kid in her.

As does Syd, who jumped as well.

All of Pony Pasture is littered with rocks.  Reminded me of my own childhood in western PA (yeah, I know - I'm one of those "rednecks" mentioned in the recent political conversation) on French Creek.
Not much better than sisters with true affection for one another.

A Day Off

Taking a day off today.

No, really.

Okay, well...sort of.  I do have to work tonight, playing for an associational event.  And that means I have to go pick up gear and do set up and sound check and all that.  It'll be a four or five hour investment.

Some other week, that four or five hours would simply top off my normal workday.

But not this week.  I'm learning to be just a bit more self-protective, recognizing that the world will continue to spin whether or not I frenetically struggle through the day.

So I'm letting go.  I'm staying home and doing some much-needed housecleaning/keeping/organization.  Some of this is absolutely necessary; the weather has finally turned chilly, and we're still pulling out shorts and t-shirts.  Time to climb up into the attic and sort through the winter clothes.

Some of it is just a search for peace.  I need some quiet stillness, some moments alone with God.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to text my boss and say, "I need a day off" without fear of repercussion or recrimination.

So off I go, into my day-at-home.  Of course, I have a sick kid upstairs in my bed (David stayed home yesterday, today it's Sydni; general malaise, coughing, headache), which keeps me in "mother mode".  But that's okay.  I can handle that...