Some Things, You Just Know

Some things, you just know.

• When there's just enough milk in the batter. 
• The first pancake is always a little off. 
• There is a perfect moment to flip it over; wait for it....

I was up early today, making pancakes for the kids. Let's take a short time-out to expound upon the shock and awe of this simple statement. I know. You're stunned. It's okay. I understand. It's been a long time since I was up early enough to cook breakfast; once you can pour yourself a bowl of cereal or heat up a packet of instant oatmeal, you're kind of on your own around here for breakfast. I am not a morning person.

But, boy do I love my new kitchen. Even without counter tops.

So last night, when David said, "Mom, I have my first SOL tomorrow. Will you make pancakes?" I agreed, and when the alarm went off I -

- went back to sleep. Oh, yes, I did. I'm that kind of mom.

But then David stood in the doorway and whispered, "Mom...pancakes?"

Bleary eyed and far from bushy-tailed, because I stayed up way too late chatting and Facebook and then finishing a book I just couldn't put down, I stumbled into the kitchen, grabbed the Bisquick and started assembling the batter.

David cracked an egg and I cracked another and then I poured the milk in and stirred, thankful that I could do this on autopilot.

Some things you just know.

I added a little more milk to make it just right, that perfect place between thin enough to cook quickly and spread out a bit, and thick enough to be a serious pancake and not a crepe.

Some things you just know.

I thought back to the long dialogue last night with a friend who is struggling with the challenges of a new - and much more difficult - role for her as a mom, as her daughter learns to live with a a life-altering disease. I had told her that I got it, that I knew about the vast pit of sorrow that can suck us in when our kids are hurting and we are helpless. And that it was going to be okay.

Some things you just know.

I can make pancakes on autopilot; I can share my story with my friend. I've been doing these things for a while, and at some point, you just know.

It's no secret to those around me that I've struggled with this season of life, clinging to the final little bit of my forties, having young adult children, transitioning into being....well, "older". However, there are some things happening in this season of life, bits and pieces bubbling up to the surface that are solid and good and tangible.

I know things.

I know how to put together pancakes without thinking through the recipe. I can make rice with a good guess at the proportions. I know that my sorrow will subside. I know that God really is faithful, and that he really will never leave.

I know that there is an inexplicable mystery to God, and that I'm okay with that.

I know that my kids are going to be okay.

I know that a nap fixes almost everything, and it's okay to take one.

And lately, there's this other thing: Growing up is not so bad. A certain wisdom settles in, even with simple things like making food and letting things slide.

I'm not completely there. In so many areas, I'm still tripping and falling and trying to figure things out.

But there's a trade-off with the getting older; I know things.

I know what I know, and I can make pancakes without thinking. And that's a good start.