Sunday, June 7, 2009

All Of My Life, In Every Season

What a weekend.

I'm sitting in an unusual pile of repressed emotions.  So much going on, so many life events and circumstances triggering varying emotional responses...I need a good cry, but I despair of having the time for that luxury.

My eldest child graduates.

My mom hosts the entire family - ex's included - for a lunch, gracefully offering hospitality and a huge dollop of forgiveness.

One of my dearest friends and favorite musical partner ever moves out of our arena and into his own; we sang together today for what might be the last time this side of heaven.

My emotional reserves are spent, with lots of social activities and interactions.  The introvert in me is huddled in a corner of my soul, hands over her head, shaking and pleading, "No more....please, no more..."

My hormones are raging in unfamiliar ways.  Something uncontrollable seems to be happening to my body.  All the internal, physical and emotional issues aside, the primary problem is that my clothes don't fit.  I hate it.

My life feels very cluttered and out of control right now.  I am longing for some quiet organization, some calm.

And yet - I could not ask for better circumstances.  

Isn't it interesting how we humans can become so absorbed in the little glitches of life, missing all the level-headed joy springing up all around us? John Ortberg once said, "Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is to take a nap." I'm hoping that might clear out the clutter in my soul.  And I'm hoping that a little perspective will do the same.  The greatest truth I can find is in the undeniable existence of God.  Firm on His promise, I'll stand.

This is my prayer in the desert when all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger and need
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flames

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life, in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've received I will sow

9 comments:

mary (elizabeth) said...

I love you so much Beth Brawley. Thank you for always encouraging me, always listening, always loving, and for teaching me to always lean on Jesus. You.are.phenomenal.

It was a busy week...busy but good. Take one day or one moment at a time. I'd love to take you to lunch next week and I'd love to just sit and listen to you. Let me know if you can and I'm totally there.

Thank you again for always being a woman with an ear to the Lord. I LOVE YOU!!!! You made my day in church today...just so you know. :)


P.S. Desert song has been on repeat at my house this week...I get chills when I listen to the last few lines..."this is my prayer in the harvest..." Oh, Jesus is so good.

WhatAboutNovember said...

Far away, but sending many hugs.

just a girl said...

This is not a WHOA IS ME post! You have so much going on Beth, it's totally understandable. Long, deep breath, make a list of the things you want to do/organize and put them in the order which you find them important....then start to complete them. Obviously, some will take longer than others. It should bring a calmness to you that you have started to work on the chaios....
as for the physical, I cant really help you on this unless you mean weight? all I can say is Weight Watchers baby...20lbs off! It works!

Hope said...

This song is on repeat today for me. Thank you. A few days ago I couldn't have embraced what this song has to say but today I can. I am grateful.
Blessings to you.

annie said...

Praying for you...

Kelley said...

Kelley loves Beth.
Every day.
Period.

Patty P said...

That woman's story is amazing. Her faith astounds me. Good song too

Brian C. Hughes said...

This scripture comes to mind as I read your words: Psalms 51:16-17 (NIV)
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Something is happening in me with this text. Meditate on it. Maybe God will speak through David's words to you, too.

thanks for sharing your heart.

Just Be Real said...

((((safe hugs)))))
Sitting here listening dear