Waiting / Not Waiting

It's the first day of 2014.

Where I am this morning;
six glorious inches of snow.

My initial thoughts meander back to Y2K and what seemed like an unbelievable moment - moving from 1999 into 2000. There was the Prince song, of course; and on the cusp of December 31, 1999, I found myself wondering how I was supposed to party....I sang the song in a rock and roll bar band (back in the early 80's) but never really knew how to embrace the purpose of partying. Like it was 1999. Two thousand zero zero party over oops out of time / tonight we're gonna party like it's nineteen-ninety-nine... I think we all wondered, "How did we get here?" Like the year 2000 was something we all waited for, but couldn't conceive of actually happening.

I thought about the fourteen years that have flown by since that watershed moment. I measured the growth of my youngest son, from infant to teenaged giant. I considered the fact that I slept last night in a bed in a house and a town that I never would have envisioned fourteen years ago, beside a man that I didn't even know then.

Life does involve quite a few twists and turns, doesn't it?

I laid awake until the wee hours pondering such things, until the pondering faded away and I spent 30 minutes scrolling through Facebook posts ("HAPPY 2014!" "Happy New Year!" "So thankful!" "What a great party!" "Picture of my kids who fell asleep!")

I can't say that Facebook brought anything positive to my contemplative state. On the contrary, perhaps...

ANYWAY:

Our new word prompt is waiting, and I am not sure of my approach. Because, honestly, I'm kind of tired of waiting. Lately, there's been so much of it.

Waiting to recover from eye surgery.

Waiting for the remodeling project to be complete.

Waiting for an engagement party.

Waiting to embrace a new role and restructuring project at work.

Waiting for the new music store to be finished.

Waiting for the house refinance to go through.

Still waiting for a solution to the house refinance project.

Here's what occurs to me; in my current context, waiting seems to be a very inert word. Things are happening, and I am waiting. At the mercy of the inevitable slow march of time, which heals all things and passes too quickly and brings about change and reveals wisdom and flies. And so forth.

I think I shall not do so much waiting in these coming months. I think I shall expect.

This does not mean that I will not be still; I need to do more of that. I aim to linger more in moments, in awareness, in being present. I'd like to abide. I want to hunker down, watch and observe.

But I don't think I am going to embrace waiting for the next few months. Coming out of Advent, in which we waited for the birth of the child who changed everything, it seems that my soul has soaked up all the waiting energy necessary for some motion. Action.

There is much to do, and some of it requires stillness, deep thoughts and expectation. It might look a lot like waiting. But I sense a change ahead, one that will shift the core of my being slightly. There will be a settling and a new understanding of what it means to accept and I do believe that there are beautiful, halcyon moments ahead that will be fueled by wisdom and forward motion, like the buildup of steam and energy and all the collected particles of grace and glory that we frail humans are privy to in the years we are allotted.

I feel very good about this. Though it seems almost obnoxious and sacrilegious, my soul argues against waiting today, refutes the notion of a dormant, passive, powerless life. My soul claims a kinetic act that might very well be still, but seeking.

Yearning.

Claiming.

Fourteen years flew by in an instant. I am laying claim to the ones left to me. I want to grasp whatever frail understanding I have of what it means to be human, what it means to love family and friends and seek the greater good. I will wait, but only in the anticipation and expectation of some sort of motion. Much has come. Much is here.

Time for something to happen.