Arts Conference - New Community Worship

I had a powerful experience last night in New Community Worship. The band was killer and the music was powerful. We haven't added 'Friend of God' to our rotation, but after hearing it last night, I'm won over. I'm there.

They pulled out 'Here I Am To Worship' at the end, and it was good. Duh. However, something fresh caught my ear and then captured my heart. The bridge was gentle, beautiful; but they kept going back. Again and again.

And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

Again and again.

And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

And then again; not just the two-'cause-we're-running-late bridge. Not even the four-because-that-let's-us-build bridge. Again.

And again.

And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

I was free to worship, practially dragged into freedom through this repetition. I could hear thousands of voices around me, above me, behind me.

I lifted my face towards heaven, raised my hands, and mouthed the words soundlessly.

And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

I felt the weight of my sin, the great gift of grace that reached past the ugly evil of my wrongdoing. I could see Jesus, see the cross, witness the heaviness that he carried...

And I'll never know....

With those words comes an implicit, "Father, forgive me. I'm sorry." With those words come tears and sorrow, an awareness of sin that usually lives in some darkened corner of my highly-functioning daily life.

And I'll never know...

And He spoke to me, which He seems to be doing more of these days (or perhaps I am simply hearing more of...) His eyes said it all.

"It's okay. You're mine. Forgiven."

I'll never know....

"It's okay."

I see my sin...

"It's okay."

I'll never know....

"I know. And it's okay."

He keeps meeting me, setting Himself in between me and my shame, blocking my attempts to cling to sorrow and self-pity. He reminds me, again and again, of the love that I do not deserve but that He lavishly gives.

My God. My Savior.

It's been a good few days.