In Search Of Wonder

A photo of my as-yet-unfinished work space at the church. Eventually, I'll get it done...

Here's what's smacking my internal attitude around today - a fascinating and thought-provoking quote from Dan Allender's book Sabbath, via Pete Wilson's blog:

“Ambition leads to the demand for the shortest path between points to gain the most in the least amount of time; wonder calls the heart to explore the unexpected, nonlinear paths that often create a new unity that could not be expected when one first began.”

This really resonates with me today. I am struggling to make sense of the details of my life in this season, from the responsibilities and requirements of my job and my home to the emotional challenges of my relationships.

I want an answer. I want to get there. I want things to be right, and to be assured that I am doing things right. I want to know that I'm heading in the right direction, and that we - the "we" that collectively embodies my work, family and friends - are moving forward in grace and wisdom.

I want some answers, and I want things to be not-so-difficult.

I'm leaning hard into ambition and not much into wonder. And I hate that though I know better, I can hardly seem to help myself from getting bound up with anxiety and stress and concern.

It's ridiculous, really, because time and again I have been whacked over the head with the same message.

Rest.

Trust God.

Let go.

I've heard it from friends, read it in scripture, stumbled upon it in books and articles and know it, deep in the core of my being. And yet I am having a heck of a time living into it these days.

"I cry out to God most high, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly purse me; God sends his love and his faithfulness." - Psalm 57.2