It This Is What It Takes...

I've been still now for the better part of 30 hours. Mostly still, anyway.

I've been sick, which is not fun.

But the interesting part is that as I crawl out of the sick hole, I am realizing that all the resting/sleeping/be-ing still-ing has led to something else.

I feel sort of....human. Real. Not so stressed.

I think I've lost myself over the past few weeks. I have woken up a few times lately and longed to just pull the covers over my head and hide. I have felt the fingers of something dark creeping around the edges of my sanity and pushed back hard to stay safe.

It's not so much where I am or what's going on in my life. It's how I'm doing it.

Or maybe it's a combination of both. Who knows.

I do know this: there is restoration in being still, with or without the illness. It's probably not safe to think that I can opt out of life for 48 hours once a month and just stay in my pajamas and sleep.

But this time, it's working.