Ginger Kid

The hits just keep a'comin'.

Another Brawley has joined the blogosphere!

Please check her out - she's a very good writer - and leave a little blog-love. I'd be every so grateful.

Just click here.....and bookmark the spot. I guarantee you'll find a lot to interest you...

Navel Gazing...

I am struggling today. Yesterday. Monday.I want to go back to vacation.

I think this is the first time - ever - that I would have preferred to stay gone rather than come home. Spending a bit of time trying to sort that out, I'm not sure of the contributing factors, but it's always worth it to do a little self-examination. Care to join me?

• Yesterday we received a piece of mail addressed to the kids. It was their father's wedding invitation. Lots to process there.
• I came home convinced that I wanted to do things differently - and I do - but I'm not. Doing things differently, that is. Monday was great. Tuesday I got back on the treadmill. And unfortunately, I don't mean that literally. More like the treadmill that is my daily routine. Last night I spent hours mousing around the internet, chasing email, reading blogs, coupled with constant craving to have something in my mouth. After the Ritz crackers came the frozen pizza and then the ice cream and then the rest of David's ice cream that he didn't want and then a glass of Fresca, which I really don't like anyway...and my whole body just feels toxic, bloated, crammed full of crap. I got a lot of exercise while away - seems like we were always walking, walking, walking - and now I'm back to sedentary working, working, working. And eating, eating, eating. And the pushing junk in my mouth seems tied to some emotional thing. It's about time for that emotional/hormonal thing to attack, so that might be part of it...
• So I'm disappointed in myself.
• My environment is still a mess. Honestly, when do I get to complain about something new? Geez, Louise. I still haven't unpacked everything - suitcase is sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor. Sarah has two friends staying here for the week, visiting from Ohio and PA, and they are sleeping sometimes in the living room (so there are comforters and pillows everywhere) and sometimes in her room, and there's something in the fridge that stinks but I can't find it (though honestly, I haven't looked really, really hard) and I just want something simpler, you know? Less stuff. More margin. I want a vacation that morphs into real life.
  

My life feels very complicated right now, and though there are many, many things for which I am thankful, my soul feels uneasy and restless. And I feel no small about of guilt for not being able to find contentment in where I am. I keep hearing the lyric of this song flowing through my brain:

I need to move, I need to wake up; I need to change, I need to shake up
I need to speak out, something's got to break up
I've been asleep and I need to wake up now

Ironically, we're doing this song in church this week - the sentiment fits perfectly with the challenge at the end of the service, although Melissa Etheridge's intent when she wrote the song was to incite us all to action regarding Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth. Whatever. Take truth where you find it. Ironically, I'm going to sing it. And it will be my debut playing guitar and leading. So....

Never-ending navel gazing.
Please pray for my friend Vicki and her husband Dave, who had a stroke on the fourth of July.

Ugh...

Finally caught up on all my blog-reading (over 700 posts...ugh...) (okay, I confess, I just scanned a few...jon at stuff christians like writes like 40 posts a day) (and they are all funny) (are you reading him? you should) (where was i?)

Oh, yeah. Normal.

(but really, go read some of his posts. they are laugh-out-loud funny. seriously.)

Anyway, where was I? Normal.

I think I'm back to it. I'm exhausted. 7:00 a.m. meeting today, frozen pizza for dinner. What else is new? And the house is a mess.



Gratuitous Disney pic - my sister-in-law Shana and my baby girl Syd, who will all-too-soon be driving for real...ugh...

Ugh...

*SHOUT OUT TO DAWN TANNER - SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU VIA THE COMMENT - NOW LET ME KNOW WHERE TO FIND YOU!!! PLEASE!!!

Fresh Eyes

I got up this morning - my first 'real' day home since two weeks away - and as I walked/stumbled down the stairs towards the coffee pot, I was struck with an early-morning 'wow'.

Walking down the stairs in my relatively comfortable, three-bedroom, two-bath, 2.87 acre lot home with electric heat and air and fresh paint on the walls, I thought, "Man. I am blessed." Just feeling the width of the staircase and seeing the open hallway was rather stunning.

(Of course, because I'm not a morning person, it doesn't take much to stun me before I make it to the coffee pot. But still...)

After living for one week in a hotel room with five kids and then another in a two-bedroom condo with seven other people, I guess I can't overlook the fact that I am blessed.

I live in such ignorance at times.

God, forgive me. And open my eyes again and again and again....

Beach Vacation Pics

Aunt Barbara, Uncle Graham, Mom and Dad after our obligatory dinner out at Captain Charley's in Swansboro...
The kids make an annual assault on Cap'n Charley himself...

The moms and the boys - these are the male grandkids; Daniel, David and Levi. And their loving mamas...

Shana and Eric - my brother - two of my favorite people in the world.

A few of the kids checking out the river.

Casual Observations Of Scantily Clothed People

So we're having a debate/discussion regarding the inevitable 'people-watching' that goes on at the beach.

Here's the thing: there are a LOT of folks here this week (it is, after all, fourth of July week and the public beach is quite crowded, though where we stake our claim in front of Mom and Dad's place is fairly quiet) and most of them are, of course, in various states of undress, commonly known as bathing suits.

We all confess to watching, observing, etc. However, we're divided into two camps: those who say that the watching and looking is an unending, almost uncontrollable measuring stick - a constant mechanization of looking at others and adjusting where we fit in on the scale of acceptable appearances. Are 'they' fatter than us? Then we're good. Oops - next subject obviously more physically fit? Then we slide back down the scale.

The other camp says it's purely objective - observation without categorization or judgement or comparison. Simply looking at all that's around and making note of it.

Me? I confess to the former category - though, thankfully, after a few days here, it's lessened a good bit. I find it difficult not to compare myself to what I see around me. This presents two issues: I know it's wrong and critical and judgemental, and I am frustrated by my shallow observations.

Secondly, I often fail to 'measure up', and that's also frustrating as well. As a woman who feels 28 inside but whose chronological age is a few decades beyond that, I'm forced to deal with appearance issues that are beyond my control and impossible to deny while prancing around in a bathing suit, surrounded by lithesome and elastic-skinned teenagers. Some of whom are my own progeny.

And if I am spending time doing such quick evaluation and judgement, it stands to reason that others are looking at me in the same way. There's something in the Bible about that, right? 'Judge not, lest ye be judged'?

I know these are issues of my own insecurity. And I know that most of us carry such issues inside of us, no matter whether we're in sun or shade. But it doesn't seem like a good way to live; it feels confining, restrictive.

So there you have it. The discussion continues here, and I'm praying that my eyes will see through clothes (or lack thereof), weight, skin tone and drink containers to see only somebody's daughter, somebody's husband, somebody's best friend, all God's children.

Your thoughts?

Is It Already July?

Well, our trip to Disney is now a great memory - or, more accurately, a million great memories piled up into one terrific time. I can't sort out all that we did and saw and heard and experienced - but it was truly a memorable few days. I am so glad I had the opportunity to experience this with my kids!

The entire trip has been interesting and entertaining; we left Sunday afternoon after church. Before we actually drove out of town we went by the neighborhood where our church was doing a huge work project - and things there were so exciting that it took us 2 1/2 hours to leave! With that late start, we headed south - through rain. And more rain. And hail. And more rain.

A detour to Mocksville, NC was necessary, because Sarah had left her purse there at the Wendy's on the way home from her mission trip to Cherokee the previous day. The management was AWESOME - they plied us with free frosties, fries and nuggets, just because we drove from Richmond to pick up Sarah's forgotten bag. It was a blessed way to start the trip.

We made another stop in Durham, where I met another blogger - Milton, from donteatalone - who actually came out of the kitchen where he was working to say 'hi' as we dined in his fine establishment. It was way cool and a great experience. And Milton, by the way, has awesome striped chef pants!

On to Columbia, SC, where we spent the night with my uncle David, who shared stories and laughter from the family history files. We enjoyed staying up late, marveling over his antiques and awesome house and visiting together.

On to Disney - we had four days, one for each of the parks. It was busy - and hot - and crowded - but we navigated well together. I have more pics that I'll post later - not enough bandwith here - but suffice it to say that it was a great trip.

This week, we're back in NC for an extended family gathering. I am not officially on vacation any longer - I'm taking this as study break time, and doing some reading (mainly the book of Acts and the books of Timothy) and writing and thinking. But it sure is nice to do it all a stone's throw away from the Atlantic Ocean. My brother and his family are here, along with my parents, and we are loving some time together to sing (best new song of the vacation - 'To Love Somebody' by the BeeGees, an acoustic version with good ol' familial three part harmony) and reminicse (good stories about childhood and when our kids were younger) and cook (last night, fresh shrimp skewers and some excellent watermelon) and just enjoy one another's presence.

Our routine is beach in the morning, pool in the afternoon, laughter and the occasional nap in between. We stay up late and eat Mom's cookies and marvel at our children. Shana says that it feels like a kid is missing this year - I think it's because we are past the point of constant supervision, and they are outgrowing our intense parenting and moving on to self-reliance. They all can swim, we can leave them at the beach alone (but not IN the water without an adult); Sarah even brought boyfriend Elijah along this year.

Things stay the same, and yet they change. And that is not necessarily a bad thing.