December 17 – Lesson Learned
What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
I learned - as in accepted, admitted, and owned - that I am not just a piano player.
I am applying that lesson on a daily basis, leaning into the responsibilities of my role at my job and leaning back into being the woman that God created me to be. It's a strange brew at times, leaving some old assumptions behind and trying to stay centered while putting on the new me.
I had a vision a few months back that moved me forward in a deliberate way. This happened as our staff retreat began last summer; we were away for a few days sequestered in a house at Lake Anna. Our plan was to work on strategy and ministry plans. We also had a bit of work to do on ourselves.
For me, it was at the very beginning of the retreat. I had wriggled my way into the new skin of Married Again, learning how to wear another's name, to share my bathroom and my bed, to ask before I decide. Within that transition, my work persona remained steady. But after six months, it was time to see all things with fresh eyes.
I wasn't sure of what I was seeking, but I was prepared to take it in. And so I had this vision: I was walking toward the Creator, who was full of grace and gentleness. He is the face and figure of Christ. I moved towards him and felt accepted, completely. And then he held up a robe for me, as a gentleman would for a lady. His eyes asked the question; "Are you going to put this on?"
And he waited. It was my decision, obviously. He would not love me any less either way - that was clear. But he offered a garment.
And I knew that I'd heard the invitation I'd been waiting for. Not that it is a fulfillment of any great desire on my part - but the acceptance of my purpose. The confirmation of a call.
So this is what I have learned, through this vision, something supernatural and spiritual: I have learned that I am more than I was settling for. There is more, and it is offered freely.
The application will be tangible. Not long after that experience, I told my friend and pastor that I was ready to move forward with the process of ordination. I know that I have been called - not because I finally figured it out, but because I was called. It came in an unexpected and rather odd fashion, but I am called.
And I'm listening.