December 5 – Let Go
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
A few things come to mind.
I let go of my identity as a single mom. That was a bit more complicated than you might imagine. I am all about the knight in shining armor that is my beloved, but after seven years of honing my hard-scrabble survival skills, I had created a life that worked, more or less. It wasn't easy, but I knew how to get 'er done.
And I will confess to no small amount of pride, occasionally, when someone threw the "I just don't know how you do it!" line my way.
There were times that I took a lot of comfort and security in that superwoman suit. To shed it meant crafting a new identity, one that involved a partnership. Give and take. Relinquishment of control. Willingness to relax, to share the load. To find some legitimate self-esteem, something not based on sheer endurance and survival.
Letting go was a process. First there was the planning, and then the wedding, and then the first month, and then the second month, and so on and so on. Even today, I had to remind myself to let go, as he offered to take on a few tasks this afternoon that normally fell into the realm of superwoman duties. Because he did what he did, I was able to do what I needed to do, and to do it much better than I would have had he not offered his assistance, which made him feel helpful and useful and made me appreciative and a little more willing to let go a bit more, which made him feel appreciated.
See? It's confusing.
It's a process.
It's worth it. I love the man. I love this life.