Sunday, December 5, 2010

Let Go: Reverb10

December 5 – Let Go
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? 

A few things come to mind.

I let go of my identity as a single mom. That was a bit more complicated than you might imagine. I am all about the knight in shining armor that is my beloved, but after seven years of honing my hard-scrabble survival skills, I had created a life that worked, more or less. It wasn't easy, but I knew how to get 'er done.

And I will confess to no small amount of pride, occasionally, when someone threw the "I just don't know how you do it!" line my way.

There were times that I took a lot of comfort and security in that superwoman suit. To shed it meant crafting a new identity, one that involved a partnership. Give and take. Relinquishment of control. Willingness to relax, to share the load. To find some legitimate self-esteem, something not based on sheer endurance and survival.

Letting go was a process. First there was the planning, and then the wedding, and then the first month, and then the second month, and so on and so on. Even today, I had to remind myself to let go, as he offered to take on a few tasks this afternoon that normally fell into the realm of superwoman duties. Because he did what he did, I was able to do what I needed to do, and to do it much better than I would have had he not offered his assistance, which made him feel helpful and useful and made me appreciative and a little more willing to let go a bit more, which made him feel appreciated.

See? It's confusing.

It's a process.

It's worth it. I love the man. I love this life.

2 comments:

annie said...

Beautiful!

cate said...

I totally understand what you mean! I was a single mum for 7 years before my knight appeared - and four years and two more children and I still have moments where I have to take a deep breath and remember that it's okay to let him do something, too.