Changes

"Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes..."

To quote David Bowie.

I've been on staff at PCC as the primary worship leader ever since I've started here, seven years ago. The church has grown, our team of musicians has grown.

And I've grown. Sideways, sometimes. But that counts, too. I've probably learned as much from my failures and mistakes as I have from things we'd say were successful.

When I came to PCC I was very broken, very unsure of myself in many ways. The one thing I knew was that worship was my lifeblood. I've been a musician all of my life. I am most myself when I am making music. The invitation to make music at PCC - and to carefully tend a leadership role - was a pivotal point in my life, not only professionally, but also spiritually and emotionally.

So I started singing and playing and leading. And growing.

And the church grew, too.

Growing things change.

It's been obvious that God has directed some incredibly talented people towards the creative arts team, and in order for them to grow and learn, we're shifting a few responsibilities around in our leadership structure. These changes won't make a huge difference in your Sunday morning experience, as you're accustomed to seeing these folks on stage already; but I thought I'd make an official introduction to you.

Matthew O'Donnell has been at PCC for about 18 months. He came with his family, started making music with us and basically never stopped. Matthew is talented, passionate and loves God. He has a unique mix of intelligence, musical ability and leadership gifting that presented us with an obvious responsibility: To help him grow and learn to use those gifts here at his home church. That's what we're doing. I'm glad to share the news that Matthew is the new Worship Coordinator at the Powhatan Campus.

Matt O'Rear came to PCC in the spring of 2012.  Matt and his family worshiped at the Westchester Campus for several months; we had a chance meeting at a local restaurant. Sammy introduced Matt to Lindsay and I and mentioned that he played music. We invited him to come play for us right then and there; he got directions, grabbed a guitar and came to the Powhatan Campus and played for us. Matt's background includes music business studies at NYU,  music production and engineering studies at Berklee College of Music and church music at Southeastern University. He loves God and is passionate about musical worship. Matt will be the Worship Coordinator at the Westchester Campus.

And although she's not named "Matthew", Laura Krzyston has joined the PCC staff as well. You might recall a blog post introducing Laura as our Artist In Residence - it's been wonderful to have her on board as part of our creative team. She's written some amazing songs and continued to grow as a part of our community, working with our musicians as well as student ministry. Laura feels strongly that God has called her to travel, but for this current season she is responding to a strong tug towards Fork Union. She will partner with Chauncey Starkey to build a team of musicians at Fork Union, and plans to be part of that community as a resident. Laura holds a degree in music from VCU, has a passionate love for God and is committed to the work of the local church.

I am thrilled to see these three talented individuals step out to invest their time, talent and resources in the work that God is doing in and through PCC. We are better for their presence among us, and as they continue to grow as leaders we will benefit from their imprint on our church. Nothing makes me prouder than to stand in the back of the room and worship under their leadership!

And that's what I'll be doing...on some days. Matt, Matthew and Laura will carry a large part of the scheduling and rehearsing for weekend services, and they'll be on the platform leading consistently. I'm still part of the worship team, and I'll still  play and sing - but, a lot of my energy will now be focused on equipping and encouraging these new leaders and helping them to be successful. I'll continue to lead our programming team as the Creative Director and serve on our senior leadership team as we develop strategy and systems for growth.

My friend Walter pointed out that I have a strong maternal streak; I want to protect people in our ministry. I want to see them soar, too. As I grow older, I am beginning to understand that this maternal instinct is a part of my leadership style. It might not be a good fit for a Fortune 500 company, but it's part of the unique wiring that God gave me. I think it's a good fit for His people, too.

I'm glad for it.

I hope you'll welcome Matthew, Matt and Laura - and I hope you'll prayerfully support and encourage all the leaders of PCC as we move into a new, exciting year of change!

Advice To Worship Leaders

I was driving home this afternoon, and I had this thought:

I'm really humble.


No, really.

Isn't that crazy? I mean, what kind of person calls themselves humble and is, in fact, humble? Isn't that a big, fat oxymoron?

I remember being in a conversation once - for the life of me, I can't remember who, but that's par for the course these days, because I'm lucky if I can remember my own name. It's hormonal, I think.

Anyway - where was I? Oh, right. That conversation.

Somebody was telling me about themselves in regards to serving on our arts team, and the comment they made was, "Oh, I get humility. I'm the most humble person you'll ever meet."


Now that is messed up.

But back to my point: It has to do with the way I do my job. I had lots of meetings this week, with lots of dialogue and conversation. I'm working on some strategic planning for the summer that involves a good bit of collaboration. And in every one of those situations, I'm investing time and energy into processing, thinking through and then pitching ideas - my ideas. That's what I get paid for, that's my calling, that's my role and responsibility. I'm often invited into places where my opinion or evaluation is requested, and I tread very carefully; but I use my brain and my experience and my discernment and I offer ideas and suggestions and plans. Sometimes with a great deal of passion.

Then there's the music leading part, too; I have strong feelings about how we're called to serve the church and one another as musicians. I also have strong feelings about how songs ought to sound and how a service ought to flow, about who has potential and a calling to lead worship and who might not be quite ready. I'm not ashamed of voicing those opinions, of pushing through to create things that I believe will honor God and inspire people. Things that will be excellent.

But undergirding all this opining and leading that I do is a very specific underlying assumption. I rest my pride and ego upon it, and I also balance a great deal of confidence here, because I know, ultimately, that working from this premise makes me better. And makes our team better.

Regardless of all my great ideas, I always believe that somebody else has a better idea. 

I always believe that somebody else is more on top of things, smarter, brighter, more effective, more efficient. Not just that they might, but that they are. And that they have better ideas than I do.

At its worst, I'll cling to this life-raft of insecurity and cry myself a pity party in which I am old and decrepit and useless and jealous. Oh, yes. Sometimes that happens.

But at its best, I passionately believe that I am leaning hard into Paul's words in Philippians*, which I think are dead on:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the others. 

Or, as creatively voiced by Eugene Peterson in The Message:

Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

This is important to me. I think it's important to my job, to our church, and ultimately, to the community. I think it resonates with me because I've screwed up so royally by looking to my own selfish interests first and foremost, by being obsessed with getting what I wanted. I've swung the pendulum the other way.

It's better this way. And it matters.

If I could give counsel to any person leading in the creative arts field, most especially to worship leaders, I would say this: the sooner you own this sort of humility, the better. You'll be better. The people you lead will be better. And even though you might say stupid things to yourself like, "Gee - I'm really humble!", in the long run it'll be fine. It works.

*Philippians 2.3

It's REALLY Not About You

News flash: we have a date for the 2010 Randy Lawson Memorial Concert. Mark your calendars now for May 21st - we're on!

I got an email from somebody today who initially wasn't sure if their schedule would work out for them to be there for concert. Here's what it said:

I WILL be here for the concert on 5/21. Please use me wherever you need me. I don’t have to speak or sing, but I’d love to beat the congas for a song or I can be a stage hand or whatever.

Not so remarkable in light of all the folks at PCC who love to serve, who give countless hours of their time, talent and resources to make all sorts of great things happen around the church. Lots of folks have great attitudes; they rearrange their schedules; they give up vacation time; they offer to serve anywhere needed.

But this email is remarkable in another context. It might surprise some of you. It might mess with your assumptions. It might defy your expectations.

Read it again, and note the willingness to "beat the congas for a song" or "be a stage hand" or "whatever".

See, lots of folks have this preconceived notion about church. Specifically, about church leadership. They assume that certain folks within the organized structure of the church sort of "reign" over the others. They think that some folks hold to a loftier position than others. They assume that people in more prominent positions are interested in acclaim and reward, financial gain or status. They assume that high-profile leaders set themselves apart from more "menial" tasks to focus on dong things that keep them in the limelight, keep the applause on themselves, make themselves and their efforts look good.

That's not PCC. That's not how it works here.

Have you been around Powhatan Community Church for a few weeks or longer? How many times have you heard Brian Hughes - our senior pastor - say, "It's not about you" ?

He means it. He lives it. Not just out in front, preaching from the platform; but behind the scenes, in an email volunteering his help for one of the biggest events of the year.

Brian with his daughter, Mary Ashleigh.

Brian, I imagine we'll have something for you to do. And since very few people speak as well as you do, we'll probably ask you to do that. But maybe you ought to plan to bring your gloves and play some percussion with us...or be a stage hand...or whatever...

Leadership Conference

I'm honored to have received an invitation to speak at the 2009 Leadership Development Conference for Central Virgina Baptist Ministries. I get to talk about creative technology and the impact of social media on the church.

Hopefully I'll figure out a definitive answer before the conference. Then, maybe I'll solve the American health care crisis.

Seriously, I've enjoyed researching info for this talk. I'm looking forward to it!

If you're interested in Leadership Development, Central Baptist Style, check out the registration info here. The conference itself is free, but you can get yourself a good dinner for a mere $7. The event is September 28 at Bon Air Baptist Church. I'm not particular about wanting you to come hear me; there are a ton of sessions offered that might be of interest to you. Check it out!

I've met some great people through CVBM - folks like Lee Ellison and Jim Hamacher and Nita May. Looks like this conference will be another great opportunity to get folks together.

Hope to see you there!

All The Single Ladies (And Guys)

I'm single. And I serve a large church, where a lot of other single people find themselves. We continue to work to find effective ways get single people connected in service and small groups, to find ways to help process and work through the very difficult challenges that men and women face as they recover from divorce or deal with singleness that goes past the age of 30, when it appears that society expects you to be married. Getting connecting, meeting and trusting people? Not always easy. When you have issues stemming from divorce, it can be extremely complicated.

It's tough. People want to find God, to learn more about serving and growing. But people also want healing, and help, and partnership and connection. Often, single folks just want something to do. Being alone can be very lonely.

It's a struggle for me, in a position of leadership at church, to know exactly how to best serve folks like me.

I read something today on Kathy Guy's blog that really helped me understand how a church can best serve single people. Here's what she has to say to the single folks at their church:

It's likely that 90% - or at least a bunch of you - are here with the hope of meeting someone of the opposite sex. That's not an insult or a judgement. It's understandable and nothing wrong with it. It's reality.

At the same time, the intent of our group environments is not to provide a dating service. Our hope is for you to discover more fully how much you matter to God, and we believe that this happens best as you build relationships with each other.

If inside of meeting others, you happen to meet the person of your dreams, well that's just a big touchdown for you! If you measure your experience based on that, however, you'll be disappointed. You will have an opportunity to get to know some people, and you'll start seeing them when you come to church. You'll feel like you know some people, and it just makes it better."

Our hope is for you to discover more fully how much you matter to God.

Anything else is a bonus.

That's a great way to do church.

What do you think?

Successful Church

Putting on my leadership hat to share this recent post from Craig Groeschel of lifechurch.tv. (Check out his blog here.)

This really, REALLY made me think today.

I'm glad when God kicks me out of my comfort zone.

But it ain't comfortable....

I will never be satisfied with a church filled only with people who know Christ. God longs for the “lost to be found.” But for years I found the greatest joy in more people coming to church.

Today, I’m redefining success to not just more people, but different people.

A few years ago, our church was experiencing record crowds of people. But we also had many people who’d been with us for years falling into major sins.

We seemed to be effective at getting people into Church, but were we truly getting people into Christ?

I’ve been set free from being totally driven by attendance. Instead I’m asking God to take those we have into a deeper place of intimacy and knowledge of Christ. I’d rather have fewer and totally committed believers than a large number of lazy, apathetic, carnally minded and unproductive cultural Christians. - Craig Groeschel

What do you think? What makes a church "successful"?

Common Sense Leadership

This is what I'm reading at the moment. I love leadership books that resonate with common sense.

After the introduction, I'm convinced that this sucker is FULL of that very thing.

If you've read it, what do you think?

Check back for a full report. Our entire staff is reading it, and we'll be discussing in a few weeks...

Undergoing Major Change

At last year's Leadership Summit I was introduced to Carly Fiorina.  She was a dynamic, engaging speaker and I was captivated, listening to a strong woman talk about leadership and empowerment.  I picked up her book, Tough Choices, and have referred to it off and on throughout the past several months.  

Truth be told, I'm just reading it VERY slowly - it's sort of a monthly devotional book for me, with constant encouragement and information about leadership.  

Okay.  Honest truth?  It's in the bathroom.

Midway through the book Fiorina talks about the creation of Lucent Technologies, which arose out of AT&T getting rid of a collection of assets called Newco. She was tapped to be Executive VP of Corporate Operations.  Here's what she says:

"For some, the words aspiration and inspiration are mumbo jumbo; or hype; or soft, nonoperational stuff. These are people who forget that every income statement and balance sheet in the world is produced by the everyday hard work of everyday people. And people achieve more when they're motivated by a purpose worthy of their efforts. They align their individual actions in to a more powerful collective effort when they know they strive for a common and commonly understood goal. Nowhere are aspiration and inspiration more important than in a large, complex organization undergoing major change. In large companies myriad actions taken and countless small decisions made must add up to the bottom line. And in a period of change, each employee must break old habits and learn new skills, and every employee's actions and decisions must align in new ways to produce something different."

In the midst of everything that we are doing as PCC staff members, in spite of what we're feeling and experiencing on a personal level, regardless of the current status of our personal relationship with God, we are in the middle of some major changes at PCC. We are the folks who are not only doing the "everyday work of everyday people", but we are also inspiring and leading volunteers who are doing the same thing as they serve at PCC.

We each have unique goals for our ministry areas that are hopefully clearly and commonly understood by those folks who serve with us. But I think it's important to still remember that we are, technically speaking, a "large, complex organization undergoing major change."

Our mission is to reach and lead. That is the purpose worthy of our efforts. Lives are changing because of what God's spirit is doing through PCC.

I just want to challenge each of us - myself included - to continue to live in the awareness of the challenges of change, and to take to heart the necessity of breaking old habits, learning new skills and aligning our actions and decisions in new ways. God is using us - and he is also changing us, through this time of change. It's a remarkable thing that ultimately results in eternal impact for our community. We are led by a senior pastor and an executive pastor - but we are also given the great responsibility and even the luxury of leading ourselves.

I'm focusing on praying for us as a body today, and thankful that God's drawn us all together for the sake of His name.

Cross-posted at Words Matter

Doing Church The Way God Called Us To Do It

Home.  Sitting in Panera waiting on results from a local show choir competition.  Here, engaged, but not really here....

Feeling convicted about my "Dear 21st Century Church" post.  Seems like I either didn't explain myself very well or there was something bitter running through the entire thing experience that leached through.  In spite of three edits, I didn't see it.  Still not sure what it is.

I don't want to offend or be a stumbling block.  I took the post down.

And then I read this today, from Perry Noble's blog, which is far more powerful than anything I could ever dream up to say about any other church experience.

"One of the things that I always teach here at NewSpring Church is that we do not have the corner on the market when it comes to a movement of God. We aren’t doing church “the right way.” We aren’t doing church a better way. We are doing church the way God called us to do it…and if another church is doing what God has called them to do and people are being reached, lives are being changed, sin is being repented of, the excluded are being included, teenagers are discovering their potential in Christ, marriages are being restored and children are learning about Jesus and so on…who in the world would want to criticize that? (Answer - satan…just in case you were curious!)" - Perry Noble

Let's just leave it at that, shall we?

I'm sorry.

Mad Church Disease: Overcoming The Burnout Epidemic

If you read a book on burn out, and realize that a lot of what you're reading seems very familiar, you pay attention.

Anne Jackson grew up as a pastor's kid in traditional church settings.  She's seen what church life can be like from a kid's perspective, and she's experienced her own personal challenges.  In Mad Church Disease, Anne writes very honestly about the risk factors, both external and internal.  She's frank about our tendency as humans - and particularly as church leaders - to lead extremely unhealthy lives.  And she's precise without being preachy about what it takes to get better.  She writes honestly about her own struggles and the unhealthy ways she chose to cope.

This book, along with John Burke's No Perfect People Allowed, really struck a chord with me. I'm still processing a lot of what I've read on a personal level; bits and pieces about manipulative tendencies, living out of false assumptions, codependency, confusion about my value outside of my work.  My belief that I have to work seven days a week in order for the world to keep spinning.  Lots of junk, just like the rest of us.

But then I read this:

"We cannot be dependent on ourselves and on God at the same time.  When we consider the practice of rest unnecessary, we will also inevitably lose sight of the necessity of God."  Anne Jackson

And I'm learning.

One of the greatest benefits of this week was the chance to walk for two hours today, down to the end of the island and back.  All along the way, I thought and processed and reflected on where I've been.  And where I'm headed.  I've read four books this week, and spent time reading the Bible, and thought and planned and contemplated.

I've thought about my personal life.  I've thought about my work life.  I've thought about my passion for the local church.

I can't say for sure what lies ahead.  None of us can. 

But I am certain that my path is covered, above, below and all around, by grace.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Undeserved, unearned, a gift from God.  A privilege and an honor.

By the way, I'd recommend that anybody who serves a church in any capacity read this book. Anybody.  It's worth it, for the sake of that to which we are called.

Anne quotes Oswald Chambers in one of the most powerful parts of the book:

"If you want to be of use to God, maintain the proper relationship with Jesus Christ by staying focused on him, and he will make use of you every minute you live- yet you will be unaware, on the conscious level of your life, that you are being used of him." Oswald Chambers

Boy, I love that.

You can learn more from Anne Jackson and the work to which God has called her on her blog.

Less Clutter. Less Noise. Still Overwhelmed.

Finished book #3 of this study break; Kem Meyer's Less Clutter. Less Noise.  Subtitled "Beyond Bulletins, Brochures and Bake Sales", it's a look at how to maximize effectiveness of communication, focused on the church environment, in light of the information overload systems in place in our current culture.

Kem comes out of a corporate background, which gives her a ton of credibility.  She's not "churchy" at all, but a serious appreciation for the work of Jesus in her life underlies her book.

I was surprised to find a good bit of the book's content has a prior life on her blog.  It was good there, and it's good here - but I'd already seen and heard a lot of this.  However, it'll be a great resource to get into the hands of people working in communications at our church.

As I processed this info, one thing kept coming to mind:  I'm insane.  I'm trying to manage communications from a staff perspective - which really isn't happening at all, or at least in any way that seems cohesive.  And yet we've revamped our website and continue to dialogue about future improvements; we've altered the program and returned to in-house publication, saving stress and money; we've enlisted the work of an incredible graphic designer; we're trying to streamline our efforts.  

But this is a full-time occupation.  And trying to juggle musicians and service planning and production team and programming - whew!  Perhaps lesson numero uno from study break is this:  

Women Who Try To Do Too Much And Why They're Stressed

Well, regardless, here's some great info from Kem's book;

• It's not what you say; it's what people hear.
• Information is now so inexpensive and plentiful that most of it ends up being overlooked, ignored or tossed like garbage.  (True, this.)
• People's needs drive their attention; they notice what will benefit them.
• Get real instead of trying to appear real.
• Everything you do (in communcations) is an extension of your story.
• Simplify the problem - don't complicate the solution.
• Every person in your church is a walking billboard.
• Before you spend money on marketing, spend money on improving the people skills of your people (like reading the same book, training, vision-casting, etc.)

Kem says she wrote this book for the short attention span.  Initially, I found this really difficult. It's interesting to note that my approach to printed information in a book is different than my web experience; I don't want a book to be like a blog.  I want a more leisurely experience; I want a book experience.  Just another example of how people receive and interpret communicated information, I guess.

Great information, though.  This woman is a gold mine.  

Creating Culture

Just finished my second book of the week, John Burke's No Perfect People Allowed.  Great book, full of grace-filled stories that made me cry more than once.  Burke is the lead pastor at Gateway Church in Austin.

I took a few notes but was drawn into the book more holistically than I expected, so the note-taking was minimal.  Initially I was underlining passages with glee - until I realized that this copy belongs to someone else.  My pastor, actually.  I hope he doesn't mind that I wrote all over the first chapter in his book.

A few salient points from my reading:

• Burke quotes Barna in a profound statement about the church's role in today's world:  "(...the role the church must play is) that of a loving, authoritative, healing and compelling influence on the world."  Boy, I love that - loving, authoritative, healing and compelling.  Sounds a lot like Jesus.
• Truth has become relational.  That's why our stories matter so much.  Jesus manifests His presence through His work in people's lives.
• We are dealing with a generation of chaos, often a result of a lack of trust.  So many people have been damaged by families and relationships - how can they easily trust in God?
• People resist arrogance - one of the questions they will ask when they look at Christians is, "Do I want to be like you?"  If the answer is no, we have a problem.
• Burke says "Nothing has been more difficult for me than to watch people react in destructive ways to brokenness."  Acting out of brokenness - even as a believer - can destroy you.  The church must be a lighthouse of hope.
• Burke says, "Statements like 'Christ died for your sins' and 'God so loved the world' have been leached of all meaning for today's seekers."  They won't believe it until they experience it from those who claim to follow Him.
• "To create a culture of grace, a leader must first experience grace - then give it out liberally."  (Excuse me for a moment while I thank God for this, which has been my experience and which has been the impetus for my present situation.  For which I am thankful, and by which I am overwhelmed....)
• Give up trying to fix people.  Accept and love them in order to reconnect them with God. 
• In order to lead others, you have to willingly follow God.

The book's most compelling section is titled Mental Monogamy:  Creating a Culture of Sexual Wholeness.  It's a fascinating, honest look at the way culture interprets and internalizes sexual behavior.  Burke quotes Mike Starkey, who says, "Ours is a culture crying out for intimacy, but only able to conceive of accessing it through sex."  It's a great discussion of why God's wisdom and ways bring life, and how that applies to our sexuality.  Burke focuses on helping people become rightly related to God and truly willing to follow Christ, then guiding them to the freedom of following his ways.  He says, "If we try to force people to morally approximate the gospel before they have the source of life-giving water, we spiritually dehydrate them."  It's a great examination of why and how God's plan for sexual wholeness comes with the mandate for sexual intimacy to be within the confines of the marriage bed, and how the church can create a culture for restoration and sexual wholeness so that God's spirit can change hearts and heal lives.

Good stuff; lots of inspiration here for ministry, for our church, for the future.  Burke's book is incredibly moving, with powerful stories from real people who were turned off by Christians and by the church, but drawn to into relationship with Jesus once the cultural clutter was cleared away.

Lots for me to think about and process.

Creating Magic

Day one - didn't fare so well with the technology fast.  But I'm happy with the results.  I have NOT been enslaved to the computer, and that's been a very good thing.

Had a great time in the eleventh chapter of Matthew; I continue to be fascinated and enthralled by the man that I follow.  Finding myself constantly astounded by what feel like new revelations; I've been in church ALL my life, been a committed Christian for twenty years - and yet it seems that every single day, something new and different appears.  It was a source of wonder and joy today, and gratitude.  I'm sure it's a combination of experience, time, circumstances and situations - all wrapped together by the active and alive mystery of faith.  Way cool.  It was great to have some time to just soak in all that today.

I found myself crying a lot this afternoon, moved by music, by words...and I am not quite sure what to make of that.  Again, there are pools of gratitude all around.  It's not necessarily sorrow, but some emotional release.  I imagine I'll have some understanding before the end of the week.

It is really, really cold here - at least in terms of what you might think of as "beach weather".  I walked today and found myself quite miserable.  No sun, either.  But I'm not complaining....

Major in-depth work today was in this book; written by Lee Cockerell, Creating Magic is his "10 common-sense leadership strategies from a life at Disney".  Much of it I find very familiar in terms of what has evolved into some intuitive practices in my own leadership.  Much of it is exciting, and a great reminder of what really matters.  Frankly, I'm a bit surprised at how much I like this book - and how endearing it is.

Here are a few bullet points that I found particularly intriguing or affirming:

• Leadership starts with respect for all people.
• Effective leaders work hard to create democratic, participatory environments (sounds like a church volunteer structure to me).
• Achieve leadership excellence by spreading responsibility and authority throughout the organization; anyone at any level can exert leadership and make a positive difference.
• Leadership means making the right things happen by bringing out the best in others (alot like being a mom!).
• Authority is nothing without good relationship skills.
• Virtually every problem or conflict in the world can be traced to a leadership failure.
• Everyone matters and everyone knows he or she matters.
• One vital question:  "Is there anything else you think I should know?"

That's just the first bit.  I've a ways more to go, but so far, I've found this to be throught-provoking and encouraging.  Our church is growing, as our my responsibilities.  Structural change (another topic Cockerell addresses, which I'm still processing) is on top of us.  I want to be ready and be effective.

Let's Fight.

Holly Furtick wrote an incredibly powerful blog post last week.

You should read it.  Especially if you are part of Powhatan Community Church - or any church - you should read this post.

And, after you're done reading, do something.

And leave a comment and let us know what you did.

Here's an excerpt; the emphasis is mine.

I'm just saying - this is truth. I have experienced it this week.  Maybe you have, as well.

Let's fight. 

"...do I think that there are forces in this world that want to attack and/or distract us during a time of year when many many people will come to church for the first time (or maybe first time in a long time). Absolutely.

How do I fight? Well first of all I am aware. I see a negative attitude that rises up inside me as an opportunity for there to be a tension in my marriage. I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I try to spend more time meditating and praying as I go throughout my day.

I am also not going to bring up a conversation that may cause a disagreement...If the enemy cannot get at my marriage through a moral failure, he is going to attack through the seemingly small.

You may be reading this post and think, this is not for me. I am not in the ministry. This post is for everyone.

If you are in the ministry, open your eyes. Be aware, be sensitive, be prayerful.

If you are not in the ministry, be in extra prayer for your church, your pastor, your church leaders and for their families. Pray for smooth services, functioning equipment, plenty of volunteers, good health, the list can go on and on.

This is a fight worth fighting because people's lives are at stake. Put up your dukes."

You can read the entire post here.

Perry Noble At Unleash

Here's the link to the main teaching sessions from the Unleash Conference that we attended last week. Give yourself some time and watch it. It's as important as your Sunday morning attendance.

Be forewarned: Perry Noble doesn't pull any punches. But be advised: this man loves Jesus and has committed his life to serve him and lead others to the cross.

Enjoy - and let me know what you think.



You can see both sessions on Tony Morgan's blog.  Check it out!

The World Today

“We’re taking our eyes off of Jesus and putting them on the economy.” - Perry Noble

I read this tonight on Tony Morgan's blog.  Tony is one of the leaders at Newspring Church, where we're headed for a one-day conference later this week (thanks to a generous sponsor!)

Newspring is known for a no-holds-barred attitude when it comes to spreading the gospel and preaching the truth.  They love Jesus.  They love people.  

I'm looking forward to what we'll encounter....

"The two biggest problems in this country are consumer debt and obesity. It’s not because we don’t have enough. It’s because we don’t manage what we have well.” - Perry Noble

Four Small Words

Still at my parents' house, snowed in.  The kids and I stayed up late enjoying the good ol' cable tv.

I slept hard and deep, the particular sleep of being a child once again.  My parents are almost 70 years old, but nothing about them is "elderly".  They are capable and active and being here always gives me a certain measure of relaxation and a chance to be something other than The Only Grown Up In The House.

So much seems to be happening in and around me lately.  Recently, I remarked that I was "struggling".  I guess that's a good word for it, though it feels a bit less active than a struggle.  Some days I feel paralyzed.  Others, I'm just tired.  It's hard to be creative.  Insecurity lurks underneath the edges of daily life.  I recognize some familiar signs - isolation, fear, feeling responsible for every negative thing, seeing all the things around me that I cannot or do not do.

I know there's some spiritual tie-in here.  The standard line is that if you're not being with God on a daily basis, if you are not living in Christ, then you'll struggle to maintain the daily challenges of life.  Compound that with the responsibilities of working for an institution whose primary concern is leading others towards spiritual health, and we have a recipe for some difficult days.  I will admit that I'm spending more time doing than being, although I'm trying to be.  I'm captivated by what I'm reading in the Bible these days, but the daily routine of study and reflection and prayer is haphazard at best.  It seems like there's always so much to do, and the doing gets in the way of the being.

Yesterday, I read these words about leadership:

"Hey leader, just give up. Throw in the towel, raise the white flag, just quit trying so hard... After all, is this really worth it? Aren't you simply tired of taking arrows in the back from your own team? Hasn't it been long enough to try to change their minds or ways? For all the hard work you've been doing to try to help your organization with no one recognizing your efforts, really... just relax, go with the flow... you'll have less headaches and your days can be so much easier." Mark Meyer

It terrifies me to admit how much I relate to those words. 

Not so much because I'm feeling beaten up by my team; just that those words of surrender sound so tempting.

Not too long ago I was living deeply in the realization that God had led me to leadership.  I was embracing it, relishing it, and accepting the reality of where I was, how I was serving, and my capabilities.  I even wrote about it here.

The joy of that realization feels a bit more like a burden these days.  And the fact that I can't enjoy it, live it up to it, embrace it, forge ahead - all these things bear down on me with the crushing weight of four small words that have chased me throughout most of my life.

You're not good enough.

This seems to be the boulder at the base of my gut, the foundational core of my being.  It is fed, lately, by every mistake I make - every forgotten detail, every neglected email, every error in judgement, every single thing I could have done better.  It fuels the illusion of perfection that has dogged me all of my life.

I thought I had beaten this thing; I thought that therapy and counseling and good decisions and a healthy work environment combined to heal the rawness of this belief that has pushed and pulled me in and out of so many of my life decisions. 

I guess not.

It's still there.

Funny, the leader in me recongizes that there's a great spiritual application here; that the basis of my need for Christ in line with my faith system says that this is exactly where I have to start.  "I'm not good enough; I need Jesus."  Unfortunately, this cycles back to another negative; "You know better.  You need to straighten up and fly right.  You know the answer to this problem.  You are capable of more.  Get yourself together!  Clean your house!  Get back to exercising!  Do the right thing!"

So perhaps the issue is not so much that I'm stuck in the personal negative, but that I'm not functioning clearly in the spiritual positive.  The truth; the notion that in spite of the reality of my "not-good-enough" status, there is something - Someone - greater.  The "propitiation for our sins".

I'm tired.  I'm feeling older.  I'm having trouble keeping a workout schedule.  I'm dragging around ten pounds that annoy me.  My house is a cluttered mess.  I'm mildly anxious about my financial future.  One of my friends is moving on and it makes me very sad.  My eldest daughter is graduating.  My kids are growing up.  I am falling short in so many ways.

I hesitate to post this, because my blog now feeds into Facebook.  This confession might be read, far and wide.  Part of me struggles with the thought that people who see the "Sunday Beth" might feel cheated, knowing that the cheerful, excited, energetic piano playing Christian is, deep down inside, fighting all sorts of unpleasant battles.  The leader in me is afraid that if you see me real, you might not like me so much.  Or your spiritual life might be damaged.  But I've been there before, and the cost of pretending is too high.  

And aren't you just like me, deep down inside?  Haven't you been here too?

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. - Romans 8.26-28, The Message

What Leadership Demands

I came to my job at PCC with relatively low expectations for my role and responsibilities.  After worshiping from the seats for several months as an attender (and crying through the services, just like so many others) I eventually began to serve as a musician.  They needed a piano player, and I played, so there you go.

When a larger need presented itself, I was asked to help with some organizational and administrative stuff for the music team.  That role opened up to an offer to come on staff; I could hardly believe the offer was extended, but there were too many indicators that God was involved.  I left my secure, salaried, benefit-rich position in Chesterfield County and came to work for Powhatan Community Church.

I've never regretted it.

One of the most rewarding parts of my role here is the opportunity to stretch my leadership wings.  I had an early start in that area; growing up, I was always in charge of something.  Class officer, student council officer, president of this and that club, leader of this and that organization.  I was our high school's nominee to the Hugh O'Brien Youth Leadership Seminar as a sophomore.  I was outgoing, outspoken and very involved.  Once I earned my teaching credentials, I was active and inventive and aggressive with new ideas and programs; I loved teaching and was eager to pursue the development of anything and everything we could dream up - especially when somebody said it couldn't be done.

In the midst of all of this activity, circumstances in my life led me to the place where I embraced a real relationship with Jesus for the first time; although the church had a place in my life, up until this point it held no meaning other than what was culturally and traditional important to me and my family.  But around 1987, I met Jesus.  It changed my life.

I became very zealous, very focused and very excited about plugging back into a local church.  I was warmly welcomed into a small, loving church that was rooted in rather basic, fundamental, conservative theology - and culture.  I loved that church and the people, and strove to accept the teachings I heard and those that were modeled, based on my desire to live as a "good Christian" and really understand what it meant to sincerely follow Jesus.  I really wanted to do this right.

In that particular time and place, in a fairly fundamentalist environment, I learned to equate being a "good Christian" with a form of submission that required burying my tendency to lead.  Without ever being sternly instructed in such things, I slowly absorbed the notion that my Christian life could not safely include my past - a past that reeked of leading most everything I got involved in - primarily because of my gender.  So, I fought hard to be somebody completely new - clinging to that "new creature in Christ" idea.  I wanted to be not just a "good Christian", but a "good Christian woman".

I tried.  In doing so, my attempts to be somebody completely different harmed not only me, but those around me.  I know that in an effort to be a "good wife" according to misinterpreted standards, I failed to bring my authentic self to my marriage - and that contributed to its downfall.  I felt like an imposter in my own life.  I never understood how to connect my past - just the simple life I had during high school and college - with the person I felt I was supposed to be, post-Jesus.

Moving out of the Bible belt, experiencing grace, opening my eyes and ears to different, Bible-based teaching - and completely falling on my butt in terms of my pathetic attempts to "be a good Christian" - all these things combined to bring me to a new place.  And the circle began to close, somewhat, in this new place - when I arrived in Powhatan.  I'd begun to hear and understand hints of a richer, more authentic form of grace - a Jesus that was fuller and stronger and more complete than what I'd been taught.  I'd heard it in Cleveland, at Fellowship Bible Church.  I'd heard it from Jamie Rasmussen and Doug Flood.  I'd seen it lived out in women like Sharon Rowland and Tish Lushiano and Sharon Lloyd.

I was able to taste it when I was exposed completely, broken, and forgiven freely.

The circle of grace closed around me here in Powhatan, gathered me towards a new role and responsibility at PCC, and has spun me around, safely inside its walls, only to thrust me out into a new - and yet very familiar - place.  I live in this circle of grace, tethered to its center - my friend, my Lord, my savior - free to go out and work and live and be, all the while welcomed home.  It is such a different thing, this living in grace.  So much safer than being a "good Christian".

What prompts all this?  A post I read tonight on this blog, one titled "What Leadership Demands".  You see, between the faithful, patient friendship and encouragement of Brian Hughes, the partnership of Kevin Salyer, the kind, steadfast example of Angie Frame, the passion for the Word of Sammy Frame, the gentle spirit of Lori Wheeler, the quiet strength of Susan Hughes, the strong, steady hand of Chauncey Starkey, the unyielding can-do attitude of John Starkey, the honest, fiery indenpendence of Kim Meza and the kind, listening ear of Dennis Green, I have been held up, prayed for, pushed toward, yelled at, convicted of and loved into the sweet spot of life.

I am a leader.  God made me that way, years ago.  Even now, it seems presumptuous to type those words.  It frightens me, seems like I'm "getting too big for my britches".  I'm afraid somebody might hear me, and cut me back down to size.

"You're a leader?  Ha.  Who do you think you are?  You're just a girl...just a piano player...just a teacher...that's all.  Who do you think you are?"

But over and over again, it comes back.  I see it, I feel it, I experience it.  And I have finally learned to accept it, to marry my history with my present tense.  I feel that I am becoming, through the grace of God, all that He has intended me to be.  He has molded the broken, battered, sometimes unwilling clay of my life into a ragged pot - but I have finally learned the joy of yielding to the pressure of his direction, rather than fighting it.  For even with the purest of motives, fighting God makes you sweat.  It's exhausting and draining.

I am a leader.  

And for you, for the Kingdom, for all who have invested in me and loved me and fought with me and pushed me - I want to be the very best leader I can be.  I read this post and cry, recognizing a few things, longing for others, knowing that God placed something inside of me that fits who I am with who I want to be, exactly where I am.

I simply cannot imagine anything better.

Heart-Shattered Lives

"For grace to be grace, it must give us things we didn't know we needed and take us to places where we didn't want to go."

Apparently I needed to learn a bit more about grace.  Because I've gotten some serious helpings of it this week.  And I've gone some places I didn't really want to go.

I've tackled a huge project in the last two weeks.  In my passion and zeal for doing good, I ended up doing some damage.

I'm beating myself up a bit for not being more careful, more thoughtful.  For not planning ahead and paying attention to detail.  For neglecting the ongoing things that must be done in an effort to tackle a whole bunch of new stuff that needed to be done.  For ignoring the needs of people in my rush to formulate a plan. 

Grace showed me all this, with tenderness and kindness and understanding.  With patience.  It doesn't necessarily soften the reality of the things I did wrong, but it puts things in perspective.

So I'm left with a big bunch of grace.  It came to bring me things I didn't know I needed - a gentle, loving reprimand that broke my heart.  A firm reminder that 'words matter'.  A few healthy questions about ideas and plans uncommunicated that left others feeling ignored and left behind. A face-to-face meeting with someone who said, "You really hurt my feelings."  A friend, hurt.  A roomful of people, shell-shocked by ill-prepared, poorly chosen words.

Add that to a few things unsaid, awkward moments of conversation that made it obvious that something was amiss, and you have a ripe opportunity for an invitation to grace.

Today, all these things came home to show me what I needed.

"Have mercy on me, oh God, according to your steadfast love, according to your great  compassion blot out my many trangressions.  Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from sin."  Psalm 51,1-3 (NIV)

I know this by heart.  I lived in the middle of these words for a long season of my life.

Tonight, the same scripture, paraphrased different, spoke to my heart:

"Generous in love - God, give grace!  Huge in mercy - wipe out my bad record!"  Psalm 51.1 (The Message)

I feel foolish, and ashamed, and dumb.  I feel insensitive and unkind.  I'm embarrassed.

And yet I do not feel unloved.

I feel grace.

"Going through the motions doesn't please you; a flawless performance is nothing to you.  I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."  Psalm 51.16-17 (The Message)

*quote above from Kathleen Norris, via A Song Not Scored For Breathing

To Be Loved...

Pete Wilson is a pastor in Nashville, a husband and a father.

And a very honest blogger.

If you've ever wrestled with the debilitating desire to be loved, to be accepted at any cost, to find your value in others' opinions (hey - I KNOW who you are!), you will be encouraged and perhaps challenged by this post.  Here's just a snippet of Pete's honest confession of his struggle:

I would ignore the sincere compliments of others to be obsessed with the few critics.

I would abandon my boundaries and go above and beyond to "help" someone while ignoring my family. (ouch!)

I would put off the tough leadership decisions trying to keep all sides content.

Check out Pete's blog - click here.

You're welcome.