So I Set Him On Fire

We had a great night at home; everybody was here. Travis is done with school and he came by to watch The Office (he and Shannon watch it "together" via Skype every Thursday - tonight it's the real deal). I made chicken-fried steak and gravy and we gorged ourselves.

The best part of the night might have been the local entertainment. While at the grocery store, I picked up a copy of our local weekly, the Powhatan Today. A third-page story caught my eye and I read it to the family after dinner.

We laughed, so hard. I feel compelled to share the story with you, my loyal blog readers. Rather than try to reconstruct the story, I'm just going to write it for you, as written in the paper. No matter how inspired the retelling, I could not do justice to this story.

And so, here it is, with minor edits. HT to Michael Copley, the staff writer.

Frustrated that a party guest wouldn't leave his property, a Powhatan man burned the visitor's leg while the victim slept. 

Steven Y. Bowles told a deputy at the scene that he couldn't wake the victim, "So I set him on fire. What was I supposed to do? He wouldn't leave."

The victim, Robert L. Cashion, was asleep in Bowles' backyard after reportedly consuming alcohol on the property...Police were called to the scene on a report of shots fired.

Deputy Haislip found Bowles, who he said was visibly intoxicated, standing near the victim with a handgun.

According to Haislip's testimony, Bowles said he first cut the victim with a knife to try to wake him up. When that failed, he fired two shots into the ground near where the victim lay. Eventually, Bowles told the deputy, he "kicked the fire on him," though the deputy said he couldn't find evidence of a fire in the backyard.

...As of April 31, the victim was still hospitalized...

Only in Powhatan. Setting someone on fire is a reasonable option when you want them to leave your house.

Yes. I live here.